The Illness

My ear resting in midair above your mouth.
Puffs of air against my earlobe soothe me.
You are still here.
My hand on your cheek.
Skin to skin to give strength.
Can you sense me?
You open your eyes.
I look in to your tormented gaze,
swimming in your pain.
I know only one thing.
To be by your side,
never to let go.
With every needle,
with every foreign fluid.
We are at the mercy of the white coats.
Your small fingers searching mine.
We belong.
My fingertips sensing
your heart's rhythm.
Too fast, too long.
Who is the Father that lets his child suffer?
I do not know him.
My faith stumbles.
Your former self dancing in my memory.
My grip will never loosen.
Your heart remains mine.

Words

Every quiet minute,
a reminder of the
words that went missing.
Words that used to
fly between us.
With wings full of care.
Always a sender,
always a receiver.
Now an empty screen.
Only a waiting receiver.
The quiet space saying
you don't want to bother.
Not even to give
me a farewell.
All the words
you sent flying,
landed in my heart.
My heart is full
of garbage.

Drink

For every sip,
you're one step
further away from me.
For every drink,
you're one step
closer to the end of us.
For every empty bottle,
I am closer to goodbye.

Permission

You kissed my lips
and asked
"may I?"
I said "yes"
and kissed you back.
You walked away
without asking
for permission.
I would not
have given it.

Absence

Your absence feels more
than anyone present.

Crushed

I put my heart
in your hand.
I asked you to
be gentle.
You closed your fingers
one by one.