Fight

I breathe love with a challenge.
I fight through the tears.
I bleed through the limbo.
For love that is worth it.
I stay in quandary.
For us.
That is me,
not you.

New Me

Shredding my past.
Weaving new patterns.
The colors my truth.
A canvas emerging.
My own design.

Now

I surrender to the space.
Stop the hands of time.
Forever an illusion.
We breathe this second.
Our deserted hearts taste the present.
Your hands clench my hips.
I shift towards you.
You meet me here.
I meet you now.

You Show Up

In the silence you appear.
I keep the volume high.
To drown you out.
In the still you surface.
I keep myself busy.
To keep you at a distance.
In the darkness I feel you.
I keep the light on.
To not notice you.
In the quiet, still, and dark bed - 
you are next to me.
I reach out for you.
The ghost of you shudder.
I turn the light on,
press the power on the radio,
and hurry into the shower.
Water soaking my naked skin,
reaching the truth.
You disappeared.

Memory

Eyelids shut tight.
Flashes of you.
Salty water on my tongue.
Fingertips quiver.
Cold tile against my knees.
Head bent in surrender.
My untold prayer.
Quiet walls echoes the truth.
I reach out for you.
The ghost of you shudder.
Shallow breaths for your regret.
Your silence my unwanted answer.
Your deserted love too heavy.
I double over.
The pain follows.
My heart shouts for your return.
My pledge discarded.
No future in skipping heart beats.
Frozen blood stands still.
You walked.
I stayed.

Dead-end

You were a dead-end street.
I missed the sign.

My heart's darkest corner

My heart's darkest corner.
You lay there.
Tucked away to be left alone.
Your shadows dancing for attention.
I tucked you away to live freely.
You, who loved me like no other.
You, who left me hanging mid-air.
I let you see my broken self.
My past too much for you too carry.
You un carried the load,
dumped me at the edge.
Hanging on, scratching my fingers.
To get a grip.
Legs kicking to get higher.
To reach solid ground.
My heart's darkest corner.
You lay there.
Quiet and still.
That's how you'll stay.

Wine drenched heart

Wine drenched heart.
Anesthetic for bruised shadows.
At dawn my fractured self 
lets it be.
By dusk I bleed through.
At nightfall I patch me up again.
Wine drenched heart.
A temporary band-aid. 

Love does not run

It gets tough and messy,
she wants you to stick around.
If you love.
You check in,
see how she is holding up.
If you love.
You give her all you got,
you carry her load.
If you love.
I got trapped in hell,
asked you not to bail.
You took the easy way out.
Love does not run.
I guess it was not love.

Return

I need to come back to me,
before I can return to you.

Intellectual love

Intellectual emotions
sprung from your brain.
My own heart's rhythm,
beating with pain.
Mechanic love,
so far from your heart.
Resting in your arms,
we are always apart.

You and Women

I give you me.
You give me some time, sometimes.
Your attention span is short.
You get bored.
You move on to the next woman.
Until she starts to care,
then she is yesterday.
I wish I was your tomorrow.
I will always be your "in-between".

A Third Eye Watching

A third eye watching.
Secrets dancing on the walls.
All for your pleasure.
All for you using me.
A hidden desire,
behind your selfish love.
I was the object of your satisfaction.
That object has a lost soul.
I am searching for her.
Without a third eye watching.

Adult Friendship

We were not done.
Your kiss a surprise.
Your hand in mine an invitation.
Our friendship shifting lights.
No promises of a tomorrow.
Adult friendship, you call it.
I quiet the child within.
So I leave you in the night.
As the grown woman I am.
Until I am in the taxi.
Then the child  cries,
for the love that never was.

Invisible Wounds

My surface polished.
Invisible wounds.
A smile and I fool them.
My guard exhausted.
To break open takes courage.
I am too scared to see
what lies within.
The damage you did,
too ugly to show.
I hide from myself. 

The Mess That Is Us

No easy way out.
No shortcuts to ease the pain.
No going around.
We have to walk straight.
Right through the mess.
The mess that is us.
Us who no longer are we.
We who were yesterday.
Damage that rips.
Our bare naked souls visible.
Only for us.
No easy way out.
No shortcuts to ease the pain.
No going around.
Right through the mess.
The mess that is us.

The Heart Knows

Thoughts of fear.

The soul confused.

The heart knows.

In the weakest second,

the knowing appears.

Dare to listen.

The heart knows.

The logic looses,

there is no mercy there.

The road ahead frightens,

the road behind destroys.

Dare to walk.

The heart knows.

Standing in the midst of chaos.

There is no short cut.

Deceived and weak,

alone and strong.

Dare to be.

The heart knows.